Dreams from the week of Monday, June 13th to Sunday, June 19th

So I did not have a dream every day this week actually let me correct that I did not have a dream that I remembered every day of the week but I did have three that I remembered which were quite unique or strange depending on how you look at it.

I will write the dreams in italics and then my thoughts or whatever in regular print.

Tuesday into Wednesday

I was at my dad's house (it wasn't his house that I know and love but the place I was at was definitely his home) I was in the kitchen area with my teenager niece and preteen nephew that I inherited when my father remarried. They were trying to convince me to "just stay here and don't go back" I was trying to explain that I have work and they were just like "so who cares about work."

In the next moment they left the house to go to school and then I walked out of the house with nothing (I wasn't naked, but I had no purse, phone, or anything) and started walking down the street.

Eventually I realized that I didn't have anything I walked backed to the house where the front door was still open and my dad and Ma (that's what I called my new stepmother) were sitting at the kitchen table. When I walked in the kitchen they looked at me with coffee mugs in their hands and said we did not know what happened and then I looked at the stove and saw pots on the stove that had some remnants of white rice on them.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

And then I woke up thinking that was really weird and I was a bit confused.

Later that day in the evening around 5:30PM my dad actually called me and we had a pleasant and lengthy conversation. It was really nice.

Wednesday into Thursday

One of my friends from church we will call him Lenny was in my dream. There were more details but I honestly don't remember them anymore the only thing that stands out was Lenny. Lenny was actually standing in a hallway next to a door on his side that had light on and the light from the room is how I saw Lenny. And his hands were like on his hips almost superman style.

Thursday, June 16, 2011 and Friday, June 17, 2011

So I haven't seen or spoken to my friend Lenny in years and I knew his birthday was coming up I thought it was Thursday but it was Friday. We are Facebook friends so I just messaged him on his birthday saying happy birthday and that I missed him.

Saturday into Sunday

Actually it was more like Sunday only I went to bed really late or early depending on how you look at it.

I don't even know where this dream begins so I will just start:

I was in this ginormous house I think it would even be safe to call it a mansion. I remember I had been sleeping on a bunk bed in a room crowded with people and other beds. When I woke up I could find my phone eventually I saw my case with a phone squished in it that obviously wasn't mine.

At some point the Director of Reslife from Rutgers-Newark was there and was trying to help me find it and the other kids that were in the room with me were rude and of no help.

Somehow my dream shifted and I was running throughout this mansion taking brief pauses in all the rooms I was running through. I eventually reached the end of the mansion and saw the two kids who should be living in the mansion (no clue who they are) sitting in a room with a big tv and a computer and there was a man in a big leather seat arm chair that I couldn't see except for his arm and I quickly ran away

In the next moment I was with some people that I met this summer, my friend Caity and Vicola and we were visiting my roommate Bethanie who was working. Bethanie had questions for Caity and Vicola and I was trying to help but the situation was resolved and Bethanie was like it's ok just go. Caity and Vicola had already left and when I backed away someone put their arm around me with a camera in their hand. It was one of those cameras that you can see yourself in. And I recognized the guy as Keith from my church in the next second there were these other old church folks there and one lady that suspicious looked like my old math teacher from high school.

When the picture was done and I was trying to leave Keith was like hey how have you been? So I sat down at the table and it was like a bunch of the youth members not the old folks from my church including Keith, Lenny, and Lenny's brother and sister dressed up in suits and nice clothes. Lenny was further from me but we were making small talk and then how long it has been since some of us were at our old church. We were trying to remember the last time we were there and we couldn't remember. Lenny was awfully quiet and I don't know why.

Then I heard a loud whistle.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

And I woke up hearing thunderclaps actually me and my summer roommate woke up trying to figure what was going on. I was confused if the whistle sound was my dream or real life and we tried to figure out what was going on with this weather.

We eventually went back to sleep and woke up again for real but now I am here writing the blog and extremely weirded out by my last dream that I remember details and that they were so sporadic.

Also why does Lenny keep reappearing in my dreams. Yes it was only two dreams but still I have not seen or spoken to him in forever (with the exception of the occasional Happy Birthday post on Facebook) so I wonder should I put thought into that or what.

If you have connected from the last blog you now should know that I am not Zoe but Ciggy and so these have been my dreams of the week.

Until next time I wish you a sweet beautiful sleep and wonderful dreams (not uniquely strange ones like mine)

Much Love,

Ciggy

Names have been changed to keep their identity secret!

Saturday, February 26, 2011 0:27AM EST

So lost right now I am truly blessed and have a lot of wonderful things to be thankful for. I am graduating college. Both of my parents are alive. My brother is doing good in school. I have an incredible internship lined up for the summer and grad school though its not definite yet I feel really good that it will work out. On the other hand I feel that all of these things are missing. I feel that my core group of friends is gone and the people that I was once close with have faded and I hate that feeling I did not want these friendships to be just a passing thing I wanted these to develop and I feel they are all evaporating and even though I see my friends I feel we are fake or not real with each other anymore it kind of depresses me. Another thing I hate is the fact that I feel so lonely guy wise...I mean even though I'm close with people there is no special guy and sometimes I myself wonder if there is like a real problem with me or what. It seems like I always get attracted to some guy who has no desire for me whatsoever or the one guy that I find that seems to like me only cares about getting in my got damn pants seriously and when I say you must wait acts like a complete and utter jerk. Oh man I dont know what the hell I am doing sometimes. It sucks sometimes to be a woman with real like career dreams and goals because it feels like at one point in your life you are going to have to choose your career or having a family and that one will have to be put on the back burner sort of speak for it that sucks I am the type of woman who wants to have it all. I want my big beautiful business dreams to be a hardcore reality while at the same time I completely want to be a mother and a wife to someone...shoot in the time being I would even settle to be someone's girlfriend. However it does not seem like life has that in store for me. It is so sad that as many wonderful career goals and dreams that I achieve are happening I cannot be as happy as I want or should be because I have no one to share it with and even if I was to be with someone someday and have the family I dream of I do not think I could be completely happy if I only had that and could not live out my career dreams. So in a world where it seems women must choose one or the other can she being me really have it all and if so how do I do that. I once had this friend also someone that I liked tell me that I wouldn't even really be with someone until I was in my thirties. He said this because he thinks I will put my career first. I do feel that my dreams are an enormous priority however part of my dream is to be in love and have a true companion...little did he know I was thinking of him....I feel that if the guy came along and felt the way I did about him I would totally make the time for him because its what I want. I feel I am rambling now which is probably true mostly because I need to keep writing till I can get this guy out of my mind. We were really close or so I thought and then he graduated and it seems like we are worlds apart. Its weird he never liked me in that way yet he would watch over me and be so close and playful and its like I spent everyday with him for about six months and then I'm cutoff from my man best friend and now I feel like I can never get that close to him again because we could never be just friends because I do feel a certain way for him and it sucks...it hurts me because he really was my friend first and I could talk to him about anything and now I feel like I can never speak to him....I miss that connection I had with him and even though it was never like a couple relationship I feel like we broken up and truthfully I am still not over it. I still think of him from time to time...little things remind me of him and things we did together and I look back and I have a smile on my face which too soon turns to a face of confusion questioning if I imagined the closeness...imagined the idea that he did like me...who knows what I thought was thinking ...maybe everything was in my head and man I should just go to sleep right now my head is ugh I dont event know I started to tear up when I was writing about him which surprises the hell out of me that I can have a reaction about someone like that and part of me wishes that I stayed away that I never got close to him because I feel like I am left with this big empty feeling in my soul...I pray that God takes care of him and that he will be happy no matter what he does or who he ends up with and I pray that God does allow me to follow the dreams that I have that means achieving my career and having my family one day. I pray that he sends me a good man a good companion and that I am able to be there for him as he will be for me. I pray that God just keeps me on the right path and I pray that I have joy in my heart and soul. I love the idea of love and romance and I doubt that the Lord would not want me to have it so I pray he allows me to be able to have that type of love and care and romance for a person that has it back for me. Dear Lord I just thank you for the things that you have blessed me with and that you continue to be there for me...in Jesus name I pray Amen.

I know that was a lot but that was how I was feeling so I just had to let it all out I thought I was done but Im still writing I think that is how it is sometimes you just have to write until you literally cant write no more just to get it all out till you can become a bit numb or thoughtless and today I have been so quiet and not sure why I need to just write to talk...I wish I just had someone here that could hold me and just be there well I will crowd myself in a sea of pillows and just drift off now this is where I shall end for now.